Monday, October 12, 2009

Something you may not know about me:Transvestites and Tattoos

Here's something you may not know about me, unless you know me real well: I attract unstable people. The therapist that I saw during the final months of my marriage (when I was trying to find a way to save my marriage and my sanity!) surmised that I am a very stable person, very grounded, and therefore attract unstable people who are seeking that stability.

Case in point: an old friend we'll just call "J". "J" was a man I got to know when I lived out in western Washington. For his privacy, I'll avoid getting too specific about where I knew him from. He was quite the odd duck, and of course this means that we became fast friends! So humor me while I let you eavesdrop on a phone conversation that J and I had back in 1999. It went something like this:

J: So, you know that my birthday is this weekend, right?

Me: Yeah.

J: Well, my friends in Seattle are taking me to this nightclub there for my birthday. I'll be staying the whole weekend, and I was wondering if you would like to come?

Me: Uh, maybe. Yeah!

J: This club is really out there. It attracts all the freaks.

Me: {Heather nervously laughs} Uh, okay.

J: The thing is, there's something I've never told you. It seems I'm a transvestite. I dress up as a woman, and I'm going to be going this weekend as a woman...

Me: ........

J: ........

Me: {hysterical laughter}

J: Are you laughing? I can't believe you're laughing at me.

Me: {in between guffaws} J! I've told you before! I grew up in redneck country! The last thing I EVER expected in my life to hear someone say to me was "I'm a transvestite."!

J: {now he giggles a little} So, do you wanna go this weekend?

Me: What the hell! I mean, this is soooo far outside my comfort zone...but what the hell!

So we made plans for the two of us to head to Seattle that weekend to celebrate his birthday-- both of us as women! When I called my father only moments after I hung up with J (knowing that he was the only person I had in my life who would find this as hysterical as me), his reply was, "Just take your camera! I've got to see this!"

Oh, J. I've spoken many times of him. J was quite the character!

By the way, we wound up never going to Seattle, as J's grandmother came into town, so he had to stay home with her. But if I ever get another chance, now living back in redneck country again, to go to a freak bar with an alcoholic, bi-polar transvestite with a Winnie the Pooh tattoo and 16 body piercings, you can bet I'm doing it! And I'm taking my camera!

Remind me to tell you sometime the story of J's mean grandfather who was accidentally lobotomized when he fell on a screwdriver, but was much nicer afterward. Oh yeah. That's pretty much it. No more story to tell-- I think that says it all!


Neabear said...

My goodness! What crazy stuff from your past. Too bad you never did go to that party. I am sure it would have been interesting.

Sorry I haven't been around much lately. I need to catch up on blog reading. I hope you are doing well.